No-Fault Life -- It's Called Compromise

The word “fault” was bandied about in a recent family argument. “It isn’t my fault!” “It’s your fault!”

Part way through the heated discussion (OK, yelling match), I thought I made a good point about not assigning blame at all; to consider that fault is not the issue. Point is, the situation exists – what are we going to do about it?

But of course, since the shrieking outweighed any common sense remark, my observation fell on the proverbial deaf ears. You can’t hear anything while you’re shouting.

My weak compromise (I was willing at least to take equal “blame”) was, “Even California has a ‘No Fault’ law!” And we know that California’s government loves to blame everyone except itself for its blown-out financial state. I thought that was a credible comment.

I tried to point out that as roommates, we both made mistakes over the past couple of years. Bad decisions by both accentuated downturn events of the recession. Decisions, I attempted to explain, are only as good as the moment they’re made. Most of us do not claim to be psychic and I haven’t found a crystal ball yet that actually works. We make decisions based on the information at hand and are not privy to know their long-term effects.

Decisions, when given some forethought, are still only educated guesses. How can “blame” be assigned? (I’m not talking about immoral or illegal decisions. I’m referring only to the average person in a largely legal life.)

In any relationship however – marriage, roommates, business partners – there must be compromise and the ability to view the whole picture, not just your personal portion of it.

Sadly, the capacity to understand that we cannot change the past … we all make mistakes (including the one who is ranting) … and to consider the options moving forward, are often maddeningly beyond others’ comprehension. There is no such animal as a one-sided compromise. You might as well shut up and just let them rant.

While issues of the moment, the day, the week, are obviously essential and may need immediate resolution, looking beyond to the next month, six months a year or more, is also vitally important. Most of our bad decisions evolve from lack of vision to consider how they might affect life later.

But back to the crystal ball – you can do all the “considering” you want – bottom line is you can’t know exactly how a decision will ultimately impact you. An old song croons, “What will be, will be … the future’s not ours to see …” (QueSera, Sera; 1956)

Where does that leave you? Unless the shortsighted person suddenly becomes aware of mature and responsible thinking, the partnership is doomed.

Que Sera, Sera ...